It was sticking out so far! - Post #5

First, most of you know what happened to me earlier this evening. If not, I will tell you quickly! I was sitting at the table at a fiesta dinner party thing when all of a sudden the table got bumped and this lady's RED WINE toppled over and spilled all over my WHITE outfit!!! ... that's the SECOND time that's happened to me!

Hooray for Oxi-Clean though, it took those stains right out! =D

Okay here's the main reason for this post. Im sitting here on the floor texting my friend @meagan_o about online shopping at Bath and Body Works and I got REALLY SUPER DUPER EXCITED so what do I do? I move into crawling position and crawl (because that's what all grownups do! pfft!) REALLY fast towards the spot where the netbook was laying....under the desk. Well I judged wrong and didn't realize the keyboard slide out was sticking out THAT far and ran into the damn thing! I kind of felt like a dinosaur that didnt realize it's head was that big.




Air Kisses,

Master Perv

I WAS UNDER PRESSURE - Post #4

So the other day I was sitting on my bf's couch, minding my own business while he played his xbox when ALL OF A SUDDEN ..  OUT OF NOWHERE .. he turns to me and says very loudly and quickly, "PICK A NUMBER BETWEEN ONE AND FOUR!!!" "FIVE" I yelled out ... I honest to God could not believe that actually came out of my pie hole!

REALLY MP?! REALLY?!

I think Im going to go register for Kindergarten now.

The oldest Kindergartner ever!

And biggest...like Buddy the ELF!

Right? he was too big for his desk wasnt he? hahaha

*sobs*

That picture doesn't really fit with my story but how can you resist a LolCat!? 

Keepin with ma gangsta theme there! ;-) 

Air Kisses,

Master Perv

It's So Big I'm Going to Look Like a Shrimp Holding It - Post #3

Hmmm today's post will kind of be a mixture of stuff.

I want to start with toilet paper, ok?

Yeah I know I've already done a bathroom post but I feel this needs to be put on the table for debate.

OVER vs UNDER

dun
dun
dun

I say over. There is nothing more annoying then when you're half asleep and you can't find the end of the stupid TP. And you assume that its put on "over" so you keep rolling it towards you which is actually hiding the end from you even more because its put on "under"! Its a pain in the ass, alright?! My vote, and that's all that should really matter, is that ALL toilet papah be put on in the OVER die-reck-shun!

...

haha

Just thought of something, what if this song, (the one down there) were to be playing while you tried to get your toilet paper off the roll at 3 am. HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA Slow mo tp roll ... yus!

*CUE DRAMMATIC MUSIC* 





I think that would be hilarious. But that's just me.

LEAVE A COMMENT IN MY "NO PANTS BOX" DOWN BELOW!

WHICH DO YOU PREFER?: Over or Under

Next topic: 

Not much to say on the subject other than AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Yup ... it pisses me off a LOT! >;(

And third and final topic: 

...fuck .. I've actually just forgotten what it was. 

I need what he's holding ... ACCIO REMEMBRALL ...oh .. im not a wizard. well damn. 

Right well I want to make sure this post actually saved so if I ever remember that third topic I will make it it's own post!

***Thank you to @RPnKSaddict for pointing out to me that when I tweeted the title of this post yesterday, it was pervy and I didn't even realize it! so credit to her for that! 

OH! and HUGE credit to @KStewlicious for coming up with the Sub-Title of my blog! The big long one! hahahahaha***

Air Kisses,

Master Perv

 

I can't sleep! - Post #2

Typing this on my iPod so it will be short but ugggggghhhhhhhhh! I can't sleep! My back hurts! It's hot! My pillows aren't fluffy enough! My blankets are tangled! I feel like a sausage! When I should be feeling like a princess!

Speaking of princesses...I used to have this really cute pink princess dress! I wore it all the time! It wasn't even a disney princess dress I don't think! Yeah wasn't too into disney as a kid cause the evil witches scared the heebie jeebies out of me!

Ohhhh! Remember Polly pockets?! I specifically remember crawling under the kitchen table at day care to play with my Snow White Polly ... House ... Thing! Omg! I just remembered I had a sparkly castle which I thought was the best thing ever but I would lose the key all the time! That was the best Polly pocket toy!!!! Don't even think they make them anymore. Probably a choking hazard =\

What other toys were popular in the early 90s? Those kitchen things for preschoolers were cool! Wonder what happened to it!

Whoops! That turned out to be a big post! Sorry if there's any spelling errors!

Ohh the things we think about when we can't sleep!

Air kisses

Master Perv

*VIDEO* Master Perv's most favoritest video EVAH

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_cJLWhwBxhM

I assume everyone knows what this video is for so I'm not going into detail but this one's for all my fanfic girls!!!! <3

PS: I didn't make this video...if that wasn't already obvious. I'm not that talented.

Toilets and Wet Bums - Post #1

So before I tell the story about my toilet, I must first tell you that I have NO brothers and my sister and I have our own bathroom. The only time a guy uses a toilet is if we have a guest over. Right? Got that? Okay ... so ... the toilet story.

It was just like any other time I had to go to the bathroom. Obviously. I walked into our bathroom reading twitter on my phone (isn't that what everyone does?) and pulled my pants down. I then proceeded to sit down, only instead of just being seated I kept going ...BACKWARDS ... and almost fell into the gaping luxury water hole (still holding onto my phone). Turns out SOMEONE'S boyfriend *NOT mine* forgot to put the seat down! It almost resulted in me having a very wet bottom. So after I stopped laughing and finished my business I went and "yelled" at him. PUT THE TOILET SEAT DOOOOOOOOWN MEN!!!!! So that porcelain is touching porcelain!

I thought they learned that when they were being potty trained?!

Argh!

Air Kisses 

Master Perv



So being the ditz that I am, I totally forgot to add this video to the post, which as you all should know by now cracks me up like no other and is @KStewlicious's and my video that we live by! When I almost fell in the porcelain throne my immediate response  to her via twitter was '@KStewlicious I almost flushed MYSELF down the fucking toilet!!!!!' HAHAHA! 


PS: We're gangstas. Straight up trippin' foo' ... YO! LOVE YA PHU! PLAAAYA PLAAAYA!

Don't Read This

What did I just tell you?! Can you not read?! Of course you can. (If not, then seriously... how did you even get to this site?) That's why you're still reading this because you're very interested to know what I have to say that would be of interest to you. Everything. Every single thing I say should have you on the edge of your seat, with big wide eyes just WAITING to find out what I have to say next.

I do things. (ha ha ha ha ha "do things" ha ha ha that was dirty ha ha ha ha)

Usually just by accident or because I'm not paying attention.

Those "things" make for an occasional entertaining story here and there. 

So it would be wise to bookmark my site for when you needezez a good giggle!

 I don't know how frequent the posts will be, could be one a day, could be more...maybe less.

Oh and I'm new-ish to this blogspot beeznasss so ...  BEAR

with me because I guarantee you I will be making that face more than a few times.

Right, I guess that's all for now.

Air kisses,

Master Perv

PS: Just because they CALL me Master Perv doesn't mean I will be posting pervy pictures on here. Well I might (humping animals for example...is that pervy? of course it is...because I, MP, just said it is), but nothing explicit. I'm theriouth.